Alison and Barney
These are Alison's own words . . . .
"BARNEY"
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"After being medically discharged from the armed forces over 20 years ago with several physical and mental health conditions I found life a real struggle for lots of different reasons.
Trying to be a good enough wife and mother for my family whilst suffering in secret with symptoms that were horrendous, not letting anyone see what was going on in my mind because I was too frightened and also ashamed by the fact that no matter how hard I tried I did not get better.
I surrounded myself and family with big dogs, overzealous security regimes, over exercise, under eating, I had nightmares, many episodes of blackouts or loss of time, panic attacks the list goes on (my husband was still serving for 10 years so was often away in war zones or detachments) fear ruled my life, the overprotectiveness of my children was all consuming. I found out later that other parents at their school marveled at my efficiency and the fact nothing fazed me. (funny really)
The symptoms got worse, I thought of suicide so many times, tried it a few times, failed a few times.
The one solace I had was my dogs, but one by one I lost them, I became more reclusive, I stopped going out, always made excuses because I could not go to family occasions, my OCD caused many issues and arguments at home.
I was lost. I was invited to a Help for Heroes’ recovery centre for a few days - in 2016 – and there I met a fellow veteran who told me all about Veterans With Dogs. I plucked up the courage to ring them and spoke to someone who gave me the information on how to apply.
After a long 4 years on the waiting list for a few different reasons, one being covid I finally got the call. It was Becky with those magic words. WE HAVE A DOG FOR YOU. We travelled down to Exeter to meet him, and I was actually so nervous, my biggest fear was - what if he doesn’t like me!!
We spent those two days walking in the woods, playing and just getting to know each other.
Two weeks later Becky and Anthea brought Barney to our home, they also invited my satellite trainer (who is amazing and such a lovely person) to meet Barney and me too.
Then that was it he was mine.
Becky and the VWD team were at the end of the phone or email for help if needed, and I did call quite a lot in those first weeks, it was not all plain sailing, and for Barney learning to live with a person who is in constant fight or flight mode was a challenge at first i think. (Cheers guys for your patience).
I had an occupational therapist before and during those first few weeks with Barney and also my husband or son would go for walks with us. Slowly I started walking Barney on my own, just round the block at first, but as our bond and my trust in him grew, so did our walks in both time and miles.
I was determined to give Barney the best quality life I could and that has meant pushing myself to get out, so he has free time to be a goofball and run round like a loony with his happy ears flapping in the wind with a smile on his face.
On a good day we can walk to our local park where he meets his doggy friends and I actually talk to people now, mostly about dogs but it’s a conversation and has become a safe place for us. Everybody loves Barney.
Residential stays with the team and other veterans during our training were amazing, seeing the dogs play and have fun was contagious, my fears that I would not be good enough for Barney were swept away as he was amazing at all his tasks.
He became so good at reading me and the slightest stress cues and began letting me know I needed a break from what was causing them. His ability to learn is like no other dog I’ve met and I’m sure he thinks he is training me (in some ways I guess he does!).
We passed our assessment with flying colours, and he proudly wears his assistance dog vest.
He wakes me in the night when I’m in the midst of nightmares. He makes me feel safer when I’m in the house alone. When I’m feeling dizzy during a panic attack he will lay on my legs and rest his chin on me. He is very insistent when ‘he’ decides I need his help - a big squashy wet nose stuck to my face until I tell him I’m ok.
A self-taught thing he did from quite early on was if I leave the house during a dissociative episode, once he realises I’m gone he will bark to let whoever is there know I’m missing. This enables my family to alert the police earlier if needed.
A thing we did not expect was his impact on us all as a family, he’s funny, cheeky, mischievous and gives his love to us all. I could go on for hours about what this amazing dog does for me, the list is endless.
He never judges me, he loves me unconditionally, he’s helping me learn that I’m not useless, worthless, a burden, or better off dead.
I’m just me and that’s enough for him.
My guardian angel.
Mummy’s boy."